Husband wants to name his 3rd child after his mother, doesn't understand why wife refuses: 'I really truly fear that it will cause issues in our marriage'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jun 24, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Names are powerful things. Odds are there is probably a name that you have negative associations with. Maybe it's the name of your middle school tormentor that whenever you hear it you get a chill down your spine. Maybe it's the name of your old piano teacher who you dreaded seeing every Saturday. Maybe it's the name of a villain from your favorite TV show. No matter what it is, it just doesn't sound right to you. Any stranger who you meet with that name is automatically on your bad side, even though you know that's irrational. You can't help it. 

So it makes sense that you'd want to avoid naming your child anything of that sort. You want to give your child a beautiful, powerful name. You want to give your child a name free of any associations, so they can create their own. This even goes for family names. 

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to name our child after my MIL?

    I (29F) am pregnant with our 3rd child. With our first child, my husband (28M) and I agreed that if it was a girl, I would have more say in the first name and he would have more say in the middle name and vice versa if it was a boy, but overall, we both had to love the first and middle names, it had to be a 2 yesses and 1 no situation. Our first was a girl so we agreed on my favorite name as the 1st name and a name that honored his heritage as the middle name.
    via u/JesusLovesYou2911
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    Cheezburger Image 10520793344
    via Unsplash+ (Toa Heftiba)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Sure, family names are common to pass down. You want to honor those who came before you, and a great way to do that is with a name. But what if you don't love that name or the person that it comes from? That's what happened in this story that almost tore a marriage apart. 

  • 03
    With our 2nd, we found out that we were expecting another girl and my husband started pushing for her to be named after his mom. My husband is a huge mommy's boy, sometimes to the point that it causes issues in our marriage. We have an incredible marriage, truly the only
    via u/JesusLovesYou2911
  • 04
    conflicts we've really ever had have had to do with in law issues. I have a great MIL. She's kind, generous, fun. and truly treats me like her daughter. Although there are some boundary issues that we've had to work through, I really feel grateful to have her as my MIL. However, I don't like her first or middle name at all so l
    via u/JesusLovesYou2911
  • 05
    said no. But then he really started pushing it to the point that it made me start feeling resentment towards his mom because it made me feel like he cared more about honoring and respecting/loving his mom than he did his own wife. He never once suggested using my name or middle
    via u/JesusLovesYou2911
  • 06
    name even though I've suggested using his because I truly can't think of a better person to honor than my husband. It hurts me and makes me feel jealous that he doesn't feel that way about me but he does about his mom. He tried to compromise by asking for her name to be the middle
    via u/JesusLovesYou2911
  • 07
    name but I still don't even want that because with the boundary issues we've had in the past I worry my MIL will refer to the baby as "her baby" or only call the baby by her middle name since it's her name. My husband thinks I'm being ridiculous and unfair because he's only asking for the middle name and not the first
    via u/JesusLovesYou2911
  • 08
    name. I said we could compromise and do 2 middle names, my mom and his mom's name to honor both grandmas but he didn't like that so ultimately he picked the first name and I picked the middle and we both agreed on both names.
    via u/JesusLovesYou2911
  • 09
    Now to our third, he's already starting to push his mom's name again if it's a girl and we got in an argument about it today that left me in tears because I told him how I felt and he said I was ridiculous for feeling jealous and that I was manipulating the situation to get him to drop it. I love and respect my
    via u/JesusLovesYou2911
  • 10
    husband SO much, he's my best friend. I want to just say fine and cave to make him happy but I really truly fear that it will cause issues in our marriage and with my relationship with my MIL down the road and that's just not worth it to me. I don't understand why we can't just pick names that we BOTH love and want. Am I being unreasonable?
    via u/JesusLovesYou2911
  • 11

    Commenters were quick to take her side.

    LottieOD 11h ago The babies all have his last name? Is that not enough honoring of his family?
    via u/LottieOD
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    Cheezburger Image 10520793088
    via Unsplash+ (Toa Heftiba)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 13
    Bitter-Paramedic-531 11h ago NTA. You offered up a compromise by having both grandma's names incorporated. He declined. If that wasn't good enough, too bad.
    via u/Bitter-Paramedic-531
  • 14
    shelwood46 • 11h ago NTA His rejection of using both your mothers' names the last time took this off the table. Is his MIL aware he's doing this? Anyway, I'd put down a hard and fast boundary of not using any family member's names. Perhaps you can use the same first initial? But absolutely no one alive.
    via u/shelwood46
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    reallytiredteacher · 10h ago You know what involves zero manipulation? Saying, "My answer is no and it's final. Drop it." Very clear and straightforward. Then everything else he does to convince you otherwise will be manipulation on his part.
    via u/reallytiredteacher
  • 16
    StatisticianFar7690 · 11h ago NTA - you all have a set process. Two yeses and one no. He's trying to change that. If he doesn't want to do both grandmothers names that's that.
    via u/StatisticianFar7690
  • 17
    • vaporgate 11h ago NTA. Husband needs to grow up some more, you two created the kids, not him and his MIL. And you're right that it might get weird if MIL's name is included. Your husband needs to remember why you had this conversation last time. It's not
    via u/vaporgate
  • 18
    like how you feel has changed. This isn't the baby slot machine where if you pull the lever enough times you get to give a crummy name to one of your children, that your MIL will misconstrue in an entitled way. They are YOUR kids.
    via u/vaporgate
  • 19
    Fubar_As_Usual · 10h ago . Why should his mother be honored, but not yours? Besides the 2 yes, 1 no agreement he made with you, it's an issue of fairness. Naming baby after his mom is a huge slight to your mom. NTA. Stand your ground.
    via u/Fubar_As_Usual
  • 20
    ScoutBunny 10h ago NTA. You had the agreement of two yeses and one no, but he seems to think that if he just keeps badgering you, he'll get his way. That's very selfish of him. The fact that you're not in agreement should be the end of it.
    via u/ScoutBunny
  • 21
    watchingindc • 11h ago . NTA. It's not like your feelings about the name have changed, so any continual push for it seems suspect on his part.
    via u/watchingindc
  • 22
    bubsbub0513 • 10h ago NTA- if you dont both love the name, the resentment will come. When i was pregnant With my first son, my dad suddenly passed from an aggressive form of cancer, only 2 months from diagnosis to passing. When we got the diagnosis we weren't
    via u/bubsbub0513
  • 23
    sure if we were having a boy or a girl and my husbands side of the family HEAVILY insisted If we had I girl we would have to give the baby my MIL first name and my sister in laws middle name. I was adamantly against this as i dont like either name, and they
    via u/bubsbub0513
  • 24
    have never had an issue creating problems in my marriage and saying hateful things. If we were having a boy, we were to follow his family tradition that the fathers first name is to be the baby's middle name. Which I was completely on board with because much
    via u/bubsbub0513
  • 25
    like you, I was in love with the idea of honoring my husband in that way. About a month before my dad passed we found out we were having a boy. My MIL was actually very upset when we told her and felt like i took away "her baby". Well my husband
    via u/bubsbub0513
  • 26
    (the loving man that he is) asked me if we could use MY dad's first name as our son's middle name despite that it would end the 8th generation of his family's tradition for boys. We didnt tell anyone (except my dad) what our sons middle
    via u/bubsbub0513
  • 27
    name would be until after we had the baby and filed all the paperwork and they lost it and said some horrible things..... like I said full agreement or the resentment will last a lifetime.
    via u/bubsbub0513
  • 28
    Consistent-Ant7710 11h ago • NTA. My husband was also a mama's boy and it caused a lot of tension early into our relationship. That, and in-law grievances, are the only real issues we've had in our relationship as well, so I feel you
    via u/Consistent-Ant7710
  • 29
    completely. We have no kids but he potentially mentioned naming our son after his dad or our daughter after his mom or sister. I gave him a firm no. Besides the fact that they have ugly names (respectfully), I want our kids to be their own person. They will not be taking anyone's names. No exceptions. Not up for debate.
    via u/Consistent-Ant7710
  • 30
    • st_nick5 10h ago If you decide to have 4 (or more) settle this issue before you get pregnant again. Tell him you don't want or need the stress. Remind him that one "no" vote is the veto and it can be for any reason.
    via u/st_nick5
  • 31
    YaDamme 10h ago The days of renaming your children after family names have gone your child is probably getting your husbands surname that should be enough
    via u/YaDamme

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